Where is your Integrity?!A blog by Silvia Purdie on being green enough
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Do you ever feel like a fraud? Are there people who suggest to you – either subtly to your face – that you aren’t doing enough, that you aren’t living sustainably enough? If you truly cared for the planet you wouldn’t make that flight booking and you wouldn’t buy that plastic bottle.
I get this a lot, and I generally reply that I never claimed to be a poster girl for sustainable living, and that I am not into feeling guilty or making other people feel guilty. But in my own head I am saying “How dare you challenge me! Can’t you see all that I am doing? Isn’t that good enough for you?” – feeling cross on the inside while remaining calm on the outside!
The fact is (as Kermit put it) it’s not easy being green! It’s not easy to go to the supermarket without coming home with too much plastic. It’s not easy to visit people I love in other parts of the country without burning fossil fuels to get there. I’m just grateful my whanau is not spread around the world. I advocate collective action over individual responsibility, but it is still true that personal integrity matters.
Integrity matters because actions speak louder than words. As James put it, “be doers of the word” (James 1:22). Show me don’t just tell me. Yes, we do all need to be reducing our carbon footprint, using less petrol, eating less meat, throwing out less rubbish, growing more of our own food and nurturing nature whereever we can. And when we do these things we inspire others.
But – wait for the but! – the fact is, we just can’t do it. We simply cannot be green enough. There are always compromises. I am planning towards a low-carbon lifestyle, but this is only possible because of the wealth that my family has grown, enabled by us being white in a colonial society, so that we own houses and can afford EV cars. So my own ability to be sustainable has been bought with huge privilege in a high-carbon economy. Where is my integrity?
In worship we pause and confess to God “the wrong we have done and the good we have not done” (Anglican Prayer Book, p.407).
I have been an ordained minister for a dozen years, and a ‘professional Christian’ most of my life. Which means that I am familiar with being accused of hypocrisy. Sometimes directly, as other people judge the church and its representatives for any lack of love they perceive. And often subtly or internally as the expectations of others or myself pile higher than is healthy. As a minister you learn (eventually, hopefully!) to pay less attention to what other people think of you – for good or ill. You find solid ground under your feet which is ‘This is who I am and what matters to me, and you can either approve or not, that’s entirely up to you.’
I know, it’s easy to say, ‘Don’t care what others think’. In truth we are hard-wired to care about what other people think of us, especially as women. We construct our identity from the webs of relationships and affirmations and knocks we receive. It’s a journey. We start out as girls keenly aware of how others see us, eager to please and devastated by criticism (I speak for myself!). Growing up is a process of being nurtured by the good and surviving the bad, and when we have Jesus as our friend we grow to become more like him. Paul describes this as maturity, “the measure of the full stature of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). Not tossed around by the opinions of others but tall and strong. E tū. Kia maia, kia kaha, kia manawanui. We call it having the courage of our convictions.
For me, it helps to know Jesus. Of course I care about what other people think of me, but I am fully committed to seeking first and foremost to know who I am in Christ and to trust what I know to be true through his Spirit which is alive in me. It reminds me of an old chorus:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in his marvellous face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace.
The church got this all wrong, of course. We thought that “the things of earth” meant tangible stuff like dirt and animals and trees. Nonsense! These things come into sharper focus and importance in the light of Christ’s glory and grace. It is the need to please others which grows dim, plus all other false sources of self confidence and identity.
I realise that people will look at me and project their own anxieties and judgements on to me. Some people will be in awe of me or intimidated by me. Some think I am deluded or foolish. Others see me driving a diesel car or getting on an aeroplane and think I lack integrity. Some people might even just like me. Actually, all of that is OK. In a way, none of that is my business or my problem. I can only be who I am. I know I won’t get everything right. Praise the Lord!
Christian environmentalists have a unique and vital secret weapon: grace. Grace is undeserved favour. Grace is what God is made of. Jesus himself was full of grace and truth (John 1:14). “By grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— not the result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Thank Goodness saving the planet is not all up to me. Grace is the infinite generosity that lets us stuff up and start over. We work to care for God’s creation and give it all we’ve got, but with a lightness of heart. Grace is the permission – actually the command – to rest. To have days off, to be kind to ourselves and to others.
Let’s seek to live as people of action, courage and integrity for the benefit of our planet and its future. Let’s respond creatively to the massive challenges of climate change. Let’s be prayerful and playful. Let’s find joy in it. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ flow through it all.
I get this a lot, and I generally reply that I never claimed to be a poster girl for sustainable living, and that I am not into feeling guilty or making other people feel guilty. But in my own head I am saying “How dare you challenge me! Can’t you see all that I am doing? Isn’t that good enough for you?” – feeling cross on the inside while remaining calm on the outside!
The fact is (as Kermit put it) it’s not easy being green! It’s not easy to go to the supermarket without coming home with too much plastic. It’s not easy to visit people I love in other parts of the country without burning fossil fuels to get there. I’m just grateful my whanau is not spread around the world. I advocate collective action over individual responsibility, but it is still true that personal integrity matters.
Integrity matters because actions speak louder than words. As James put it, “be doers of the word” (James 1:22). Show me don’t just tell me. Yes, we do all need to be reducing our carbon footprint, using less petrol, eating less meat, throwing out less rubbish, growing more of our own food and nurturing nature whereever we can. And when we do these things we inspire others.
But – wait for the but! – the fact is, we just can’t do it. We simply cannot be green enough. There are always compromises. I am planning towards a low-carbon lifestyle, but this is only possible because of the wealth that my family has grown, enabled by us being white in a colonial society, so that we own houses and can afford EV cars. So my own ability to be sustainable has been bought with huge privilege in a high-carbon economy. Where is my integrity?
In worship we pause and confess to God “the wrong we have done and the good we have not done” (Anglican Prayer Book, p.407).
I have been an ordained minister for a dozen years, and a ‘professional Christian’ most of my life. Which means that I am familiar with being accused of hypocrisy. Sometimes directly, as other people judge the church and its representatives for any lack of love they perceive. And often subtly or internally as the expectations of others or myself pile higher than is healthy. As a minister you learn (eventually, hopefully!) to pay less attention to what other people think of you – for good or ill. You find solid ground under your feet which is ‘This is who I am and what matters to me, and you can either approve or not, that’s entirely up to you.’
I know, it’s easy to say, ‘Don’t care what others think’. In truth we are hard-wired to care about what other people think of us, especially as women. We construct our identity from the webs of relationships and affirmations and knocks we receive. It’s a journey. We start out as girls keenly aware of how others see us, eager to please and devastated by criticism (I speak for myself!). Growing up is a process of being nurtured by the good and surviving the bad, and when we have Jesus as our friend we grow to become more like him. Paul describes this as maturity, “the measure of the full stature of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). Not tossed around by the opinions of others but tall and strong. E tū. Kia maia, kia kaha, kia manawanui. We call it having the courage of our convictions.
For me, it helps to know Jesus. Of course I care about what other people think of me, but I am fully committed to seeking first and foremost to know who I am in Christ and to trust what I know to be true through his Spirit which is alive in me. It reminds me of an old chorus:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in his marvellous face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace.
The church got this all wrong, of course. We thought that “the things of earth” meant tangible stuff like dirt and animals and trees. Nonsense! These things come into sharper focus and importance in the light of Christ’s glory and grace. It is the need to please others which grows dim, plus all other false sources of self confidence and identity.
I realise that people will look at me and project their own anxieties and judgements on to me. Some people will be in awe of me or intimidated by me. Some think I am deluded or foolish. Others see me driving a diesel car or getting on an aeroplane and think I lack integrity. Some people might even just like me. Actually, all of that is OK. In a way, none of that is my business or my problem. I can only be who I am. I know I won’t get everything right. Praise the Lord!
Christian environmentalists have a unique and vital secret weapon: grace. Grace is undeserved favour. Grace is what God is made of. Jesus himself was full of grace and truth (John 1:14). “By grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— not the result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Thank Goodness saving the planet is not all up to me. Grace is the infinite generosity that lets us stuff up and start over. We work to care for God’s creation and give it all we’ve got, but with a lightness of heart. Grace is the permission – actually the command – to rest. To have days off, to be kind to ourselves and to others.
Let’s seek to live as people of action, courage and integrity for the benefit of our planet and its future. Let’s respond creatively to the massive challenges of climate change. Let’s be prayerful and playful. Let’s find joy in it. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ flow through it all.