Stress |
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Doing OK in traumatic times
(Written by Silvia Purdie, 3 April 2020, early Covid lockdown times)
I never used to much bothered by stress, but the last couple of years have been fairly difficult for me. And now with global pandemic and financial crisis none of us are immune from trauma. We all have to learn to manage our own stress. If not, we take it out on the people closest to us, which is not great. Or stress makes us sick, which is also not at all helpful.
Trauma is really unpleasant. It sets off inside us a bunch of most uncomfortable sensations. It’s like swallowing a box of fire crackers and never knowing when one is going to go off. It’s like your internal body clock has sprung a cog and is whirring and dinging and donging randomly and there’s a constant buzzing and clattering inside.
There’s no quick fix. We are in this for a long time and there’s worse to come. The way through is not about grand solutions, or getting away from it all. It is being where you and learning to be safe in your own skin.
These are questions I am finding helpful for living with stress
How am I re-traumatising myself?
In stress, your mind is on alert. It craves information about what threatens you and will turn it over and over. It is hard to think straight or to think about anything else. In stressful times we do have to worry about the problems, watch the news, face the facts. But we have to not do this all the time. How are you going to contain the panic and not let in infect the whole day? Work out for yourself how much is good for you and what is not (scary movies probably not!). Set aside chunks of time with no distractions. You can’t control the bad news but you can manage how it gets to you.
How am I calming myself?
We have to take full responsibility for our own state. That is the definition of emotional maturity. Stop expecting anyone else to take care of you. Figure out what calms the stress response in your own brain. This will probably include slow breathing, physical exercise and relaxation. It might include cuddles (cats are good for this!), hot baths, favourite books or puzzles. It might include chocolate and alcohol, but go easy. Most important of all is holding your own ability to ride out the unpleasantness. It will pass. I am not enjoying this at all but I’ll stay as calm as I can anyway.
Am I being kind to myself?
How do you talk to yourself? Catch and evict any self-put-downs. When I’m in a trauma space it’s hard to get stuff done, and I have to take myself firmly in hand. But in a good way - “Come on, Silv, let’s do one hour’s work, then you can relax.” Be nice to yourself. No point being horrid in your own head.
Is my space tidy enough?
When we are stressed most of us get sloppy when it comes to housework. Problem is, when mess piles up and spiders look down at you from the ceiling, it feels worse. Make yourself clean the house. If you’re really stressed, just do a little bit at a time. Decide where things should live and put them there when you’re not using them. It really will help.
How can I pray?
I wish this question was easier to answer. After a lifetime of spiritual practices I feel a bit deserted by prayer at the moment. We all have times when what used to work no longer does. That’s OK. Explore what does work, as in, what you can concentrate on for a few minutes. One thing that always matters is gratitude. If all you can pray is ‘Thank you’ occasionally, for a nice meal or a beam of sunshine, that’s enough. Psalms are always good. Prayer books might help, or a stone to hold while you walk. Ask someone to pray for you. Be gentle with yourself, for that is God’s way. Christ is holding you, present with you close as close, no matter what you’re in just now.
(Written by Silvia Purdie, 3 April 2020, early Covid lockdown times)
I never used to much bothered by stress, but the last couple of years have been fairly difficult for me. And now with global pandemic and financial crisis none of us are immune from trauma. We all have to learn to manage our own stress. If not, we take it out on the people closest to us, which is not great. Or stress makes us sick, which is also not at all helpful.
Trauma is really unpleasant. It sets off inside us a bunch of most uncomfortable sensations. It’s like swallowing a box of fire crackers and never knowing when one is going to go off. It’s like your internal body clock has sprung a cog and is whirring and dinging and donging randomly and there’s a constant buzzing and clattering inside.
There’s no quick fix. We are in this for a long time and there’s worse to come. The way through is not about grand solutions, or getting away from it all. It is being where you and learning to be safe in your own skin.
These are questions I am finding helpful for living with stress
How am I re-traumatising myself?
In stress, your mind is on alert. It craves information about what threatens you and will turn it over and over. It is hard to think straight or to think about anything else. In stressful times we do have to worry about the problems, watch the news, face the facts. But we have to not do this all the time. How are you going to contain the panic and not let in infect the whole day? Work out for yourself how much is good for you and what is not (scary movies probably not!). Set aside chunks of time with no distractions. You can’t control the bad news but you can manage how it gets to you.
How am I calming myself?
We have to take full responsibility for our own state. That is the definition of emotional maturity. Stop expecting anyone else to take care of you. Figure out what calms the stress response in your own brain. This will probably include slow breathing, physical exercise and relaxation. It might include cuddles (cats are good for this!), hot baths, favourite books or puzzles. It might include chocolate and alcohol, but go easy. Most important of all is holding your own ability to ride out the unpleasantness. It will pass. I am not enjoying this at all but I’ll stay as calm as I can anyway.
Am I being kind to myself?
How do you talk to yourself? Catch and evict any self-put-downs. When I’m in a trauma space it’s hard to get stuff done, and I have to take myself firmly in hand. But in a good way - “Come on, Silv, let’s do one hour’s work, then you can relax.” Be nice to yourself. No point being horrid in your own head.
Is my space tidy enough?
When we are stressed most of us get sloppy when it comes to housework. Problem is, when mess piles up and spiders look down at you from the ceiling, it feels worse. Make yourself clean the house. If you’re really stressed, just do a little bit at a time. Decide where things should live and put them there when you’re not using them. It really will help.
How can I pray?
I wish this question was easier to answer. After a lifetime of spiritual practices I feel a bit deserted by prayer at the moment. We all have times when what used to work no longer does. That’s OK. Explore what does work, as in, what you can concentrate on for a few minutes. One thing that always matters is gratitude. If all you can pray is ‘Thank you’ occasionally, for a nice meal or a beam of sunshine, that’s enough. Psalms are always good. Prayer books might help, or a stone to hold while you walk. Ask someone to pray for you. Be gentle with yourself, for that is God’s way. Christ is holding you, present with you close as close, no matter what you’re in just now.
The Ten Commandments for Reducing Stress
1. Thou shalt NOT be perfect, nor even attempt to be.
2. Thou shalt NOT try to be all things to all people.
3. Thou shalt leave things undone that ought to be done.
4. Thou shalt NOT spread thyself too thinly.
5. Thou shalt learn to say NO.
6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy loved ones.
7. Thou shalt regularly switch off and do nothing.
8. Thou shalt, at times, be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive.
9. Thou shalt NOT feed guilt with unrealistic expectations.
10. Especially: thou shalt NOT be thine own worst enemy! Instead, be thine own best friend.
1. Thou shalt NOT be perfect, nor even attempt to be.
2. Thou shalt NOT try to be all things to all people.
3. Thou shalt leave things undone that ought to be done.
4. Thou shalt NOT spread thyself too thinly.
5. Thou shalt learn to say NO.
6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy loved ones.
7. Thou shalt regularly switch off and do nothing.
8. Thou shalt, at times, be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive.
9. Thou shalt NOT feed guilt with unrealistic expectations.
10. Especially: thou shalt NOT be thine own worst enemy! Instead, be thine own best friend.