Looking back

As I look back on the month before,
I wonder how I could let so much go.
I had to be so adaptable
letting go of things I wanted, accepting things I didn’t want, didn’t choose
hopes, plans, just dropping them onto concrete to smash
and rushing on, no time to pick up the pieces
come back later, now, with brush and shovel, to gather the brokenness
of what I had wished for …
more time
one more hug
to see her hold her daughter and kiss her and bless her
arguments barely begun and ended by silence
a proper goodbye